I am an egg on a leaf. And the egg that I am today, right now, this very moment is the beginning of my transformation from egg to butterfly.  Of course the egg represents me as I am at this very minute the transformation is me during the process, the butterfly is who I will become after all is done.  

The Why!

I joined a couple of dating sites, posting one picture only on my profiles, though I consider myself to be pretty, posting a body would show me in my fatness and that would never do because to me my fatness is ugly. Which means that I don't wear it well, it shakes my confidence and I feel every single pound of it as I live my everyday life.  Physically it's painful, my joints hurt, my back hurts, my feet hurt, I snore, and I feel really unhealthy because of the weight.  I'm 5'4 and I weigh 238.8 lbs. I don't consider myself to be a small frame, I think I'm medium, some people think I'm large. Even so, Medium of Large I've far surpassed my ideal weight range under both frame categories. I want to weigh 155 which has nothing to do with frame but everything to do with the belief that I could maintain 155 lbs once I got there.

On the dating sites, I did mention that I had a few extra pounds to lose, but I never really felt comfortable with the lie, because in my mind a few extra pounds equals between 10-15 not a whopping 83 lbs plus.

So I deleted both accounts, not content with being looked over and rejected by the handsome and the ugly. Rejection from the later does nothing for my confidence by the way.

But the fact is that more than the numbers on the scale, the rejection is like pouring salt on a wide open and completely raw wound, how can I ask anyone to accept me, when I don't even accept me?

So Working The Butterfly Effect is my way of working on me. Not just from a weight point of view but from the total package. The me that I want to be. It's well overdue.